Having dreadlocks, but when I had them I missed being able to run my hands through my hair. I like having them way more than that, though. It was probably the most liberating hairstyle I've ever had. I think I'll get them redone when I go to Calgary. I'm excited for the maritime Tattoo Festival this year. My sister's going with me and I'm getting my tattoo done by Evan Dowdell, who is an amazing artist. I'm getting Death's Head Hawkmoths and autumn leaves on my ribcage. Unfortunately Starbucks doesn't approve of visible tattoos so I can't get anything on my arms.

That's the other thing I can't wait to be free of when I move to Calgary; Starbucks' approval. Don't get me wrong, I love working there. It's a pretty chill job and the customers are great, not to mention I get 30% discount on books at chapters. Something that benefits me greatly as I steadily digest at least one book a week.

I was having a conversation yesterday with one of my co-workers and school came up. I admitted I hadn't graduated the "traditional" way and had actually dropped out and then later gotten my adult diploma. I told her I have no interest in post-secondary ed so I don't even know why I went back to get it. I remember now, though that it was because I'm tired of being misjudged as a lower education idiot peon. People I know in Uni think I dropped out because I wasn't smart enough. These same people are only in university or have chosen their specific programs just to make themselves feel smarter. This, in my opinion, proves to me that you are not. If you need a fucking piece of paper for your wall and 10,000 + dollars of debt per semester to validate the information and opinions contained within your sorry excuse for a lump of gray matter, you my friend are a great deal less intelligent than myself and doomed to a life of un-satisfaction and servitude. These same people have also never talked to me about much else aside from the weather. You, your life and the weather arouse my interest to no extent. People who have actually had entire conversations with me are shocked when I tell them I dropped out and the truly smart people I talk to still see me as an intelligent being remaining on their level, so to speak. So, fuck you.

I have a hair appointment with Billy P tonight at 6:30. I'm excited to the max. I'm going to ask him what he thinks about me getting dreads again. I'll propose that I want them because I can't bear the thought of anybody else cutting my hair when I'm in calgary. He'll like the idea if I put it that way

I started drinking coffee, something I haven't done since I was in Youth Options. Ironically I've developed better sleeping habits. Probably due to the fact that I'm not falling asleep right after I get home from work so I'm able to sleep at night when I'm supposed to.

I started sleeping in complete darkness, something that's not strange for most people but it is for me. There were times when I would sleep with all the lights on. For some strange reason I've always been a little afraid of the dark, I can't explain it because it's inexplicable. It's an uneasiness that creeps over me when the lights go out. Not now, though. I used to have a lot of nightmares about monsters, dying, and being alone. Now only sometimes and instead of seeking refuge in the parental bed, I would rather just be alone.

I'm not having a rough time or anything I just get in weird moods where no company is best and I feel somewhat alienated. Everybody wants to associate this with depression or some sort of imagined pain but that's all so far from the truth. I want to make more art, real art. Not the half-assed, superficial doodles that I have be cranking out as of late. All dribble and fluff. Pathetic. My best art comes when I'm a little bit stuck in my own head. I go further inward until I find a gem of inspiration but I haven't been allowed to do that, not for a long time. I want to do so much exploring and feel so many things. The satisfaction that comes with completing of a great endeavor of any sort.

Espresso makes the world race and my hands shake, I feel anxious and trembling and I might be sick. It's a feeling, though. It's like socially acceptable crack cocaine for the masses which can be freely indulged in public. My brain chatters and chews on this new Ritalin chic.

I have noted that coffee is the most personal beverage in the world. There are so many different types and so many ways to drink it, everybody has a preference. It is the most romantic beverage in the world. While I was working one day a customer once argued that it was wine because "when you're drinking things get fuzzy and you sort of get in that mood." I explained that when you're intoxicated you're not really at your best. Nobody is really that attractive when they're drunk and your mind is not open to clearly perceive the love or intentions of another person. She told me that I was very profound. I laughed and handed her her coffee. Does the way we take out coffee give away some small, intimate secret about our personalities. I like mild coffee with a couple pumps of hazelnut syrup and soy milk. Knowing what I drink for coffee, what do you think you know about me?

Yay! First journal post. so during the past month I've really gotten into making comics thanks to friend and co-worker, Alex Forbes. Anywho, I'm moving in a new direction art wise and am making it a personal goal to submit one deviation per week, most of which may be short comics like "Squid". I'll only be working part-time for a while so it will leave me with tons of time for my art. hooray! Expect more!